hard work. Your regular job, for that matter, is hard work too.
It's far too easy to fall into a rut in your relationship during
the week because you are busy, you have to get up early for your
two-hour commute to work each day, you're too tired, too stressed
out. The list of excuses goes on and on and every day the world
piles new excuses on your shoulders, and your partner's shoulders.
It's too easy to let your relationship become one of convenience
from Sunday night through Friday afternoon. But it is also very
dangerous. If you allow yourselves to become ships passing in the
night for most of the week it becomes far too easy for the errands
and the lack of sleep to pile up. Then Saturday mornings become
"blah" as well, then Sunday mornings. Next thing you know
you're penciling in a note on your day planner that says "remember
to be spontaneous next Friday at 4:30 p.m." It's all downhill
from there. So since you have to work, you can't afford to eat out
every night, the dishes and the laundry won't do themselves and
the average commuting distance people travel to work just keeps
getting longer and longer, how do you make the most romantic use
of the time you've got?
If you can't
beat it, use it. My favorite tip for making the grind of the work
week romantic is to simple make your romance go with the flow. You
can't get out of those daily chores, so find ways to make them romantic.
Go grocery shopping together during the week rather than blowing
a Saturday morning doing it. Take your time. Walk down the aisle
slowly with pushing the cart with your boyfriend hugging you from
behind. Fondle the fruit together, then fondle each other. The grocery
store is a great place for public displays of romance and affection.
Conversations about exotic foods can lead to conversations about
If you have
to do your laundry during the week, fold it together. It gives you
two a chance to talk while you are accomplishing something you really
don't have to think about and him wathcing you fold your lingere
is or folding it himself could lead to suggestions about what he'd
like to see you wearing later that night. Maybe you won't wind up
finishing folding at all.
can be romantic as well, of course. In a relationship it is usually
considered being helpful for whoever gets home first to start dinner.
This means men too. I'll let you ladies in a secret. No matter how
much we try to look incompetent, we can cook. So whoever gets home
first, start cooking something a little exotic but easy to make.
I recommend sticking to one-pan meals, steaming fresh vegetables
or making pasta and a salad. The fun part is that when your partner
gets home, he or she gets to join you. You are working together,
as a team, as a couple, in a small kitchen space where bodies are
bound to rub up against each other and become entangled, which leads
A few notes
on cooking romantic dinners together though. Like I said stick to
simpler meals and wash your dishes as you go along. Nothing breaks
the mood after a nice relaxing candlelight dinner than doing dishes
for 30 minutes, and nobody fantasizes about being caressed by dishpan
hands. Also, don't cook anything to big or heavy. It also breaks
the mood if you feel sluggish and have to loosen your belt after
dinner. Chinese stir fry is usually a good choice. And for the bold
romantic cook, surprise your lover by being in the kitchen buck
naked when he or she gets home from work. I guarantee it will get
a good response. Just be sure you are not at a point in the meal
where you can't turn the burner off and let it sit for a while when
your lover sees you and gets hungry for something else. Also, anyway
attempting to be a naked chef should definitely avoid frying or
doing anything that runs the risk of a hot grease splash back. Just
trust me on this one. It hurts.
There's isn't much time to plan a romantic midweek night if you
do decide to go out. By the time you both get home and get changed
its probably after 6 p.m. So you have to find ways to save time.
One way is to use your workday for planning. I don't advocate getting
in trouble with your boss by spending your whole day on the Internet.
But let's face it, most of us have 20 or 30 minutes of downtime
during our day, we have Internet access in our offices often, and
there is a Kinko's on every block now. Become a good researcher.
Learn how to use your downtime to find new and exciting restaurants,
learn to look up menus and driving directions online during the
day so you know how to get there fast at night.
Scan the entertainment
section of the newspaper while you're getting coffee in the mornings.
You can get all the new movie reviews, times and locations they
are playing and tips on any romantic events coming to town way ahead
of time in the entertainment section. It may not sound too spontaneous,
but the more you plan a night out ahead of time during the week,
the more time you will have for that night out. You will look smooth
and sophisticated to your partner and make them feel like you have
everything under control. The great movie romantics never get ruffled.
They always have a plan, so you should too.
with kids, the planning of course includes having established people
upon whom you can pawn your kids off for the night. It's hard to
get in the mood when you spend an hour desperately searching for
a last minute baby sitter. Hey. Your parents bugged you for years
about when are you going to make them grandparents. They got their
wish, they can take them for the night.
Finally, the easiest way to have a romantic night during the week
is to plan a night in. This is simple and almost always leads to
good things. Get delivery food so you don't have to cook or wash
any dishes. Make sure nobody is going to drop by and take the darn
phone off the hook. Clean the house ahead of time cause a dirty
house is a distraction. Then plan something easy and quick to do
together to relax. The more non-constructive it is, the more romantic
it will be. You do not want to do anything that resembles work on
your romantic night in. My recommendation is to rent two movies
and get a bottle of wine or a little liquor. There is a Blockbuster
every five feet in America so take advantage of it. Especially if
you go on Tuesdays and Wednesdays you are likely to find all the
better new movies that are checked out on a Friday night. A few
margaritas and some Chinese take out start the night off and get
you relaxed and satiated. Then this is followed by turning off all
the lights in the house, stripping down to your most relaxing bare
essential clothes like sweats in the winter or a pair of his old
boxers in the summer and a t-shirt, and cuddling under a blanket
with a few more drinks in a pitch black quiet house watching movies
together. What to rent is up to you, but renting movies you've already
seen and like together is never a bad idea cause if you are not
paying as much attention to the movie you are more likely to be
paying more attention to each other. Massaging each other as you
watch movies together is never a bad idea either. Keep going in
this manner and if you get through the end of the second movie without
getting sidetracked into more pleasurable pursuits I will be very
The key to
all romantic pursuits during the week is to cut down the overhead
time, have a plan, and keep it simple. One last word of advice.
Many romance columnists say couples should designate one day a week
totally to romance. That is a great idea, as long as it is not the
same night every week and the same routine every week. Even being
romantic itself can become a rut if its gets to be mechanical.
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